Saturday, July 2, 2011

"Maude" the Mean Mom Maid

I was taking a nap when all of a sudden this MEAN woman stormed through the house. She was cranky, gripping and cleaning all angry like.

She could tell that I was tired, burnt out and needed a break- the kids had trashed the house (again) and she knew that if she didn't clean it up NOBODY ELSE WOULD.

Starting with the front room, she grabbed the watermelon that was smooshed all over the carpet, she picked up the new puzzle pieces that the kids just got from Grandma, she cleaned up the Pony coloring pages and crayons that Brooklyn was just playing with and then she moved to the kitchen with an arm full of dishes, trash and dirty clothes.

She changed over the laundry, asking my husband if he wanted WHITES or JEANS cleaned 1st. When he said whites, that was perfect timing because Brooklyn JUST had another accident- all over her white panties. ugh- I probably would've beaten Brook to death but this Mean Mom Maid just took Brook's hand, walked her up the stairs and stuck her into the shower. She gave Brooklyn a loufa and squirted some body wash on it. She barked "Clean yourself up and DON'T make a mess!" She headed downstairs after delegating to my husband the simple job of getting Brooklyn out of the shower in 3 minutes.

When she headed downstairs with a basket full of dingy whites, I could tell she was on a war path- but instead of destruction- it was a path to production. She tossed the delegates in the washer and made a pitcher of tea and a pitcher of crystal lite.

Then, she grabbed the pots and pans and gave a 'heavy duty' load to the dishwasher. She also grabbed the kids little table and covered it in soap. I thought, ok- she's gonna take it outside and hose it down... but nope- she took it outside and plopped it upside down in the kid's empty swimming pool and barely filled it up with the warm hose water. Ah-ha! She's soaking it, for SIMPLE scrubbing later! haha, I like her already!

It hadn't even been 30 minutes and she had already done so much. And just as quickly as she came in, she left. But not before giving me her name- Maude. What a terrible name, right? Well, not for her- it suits her. She's the meanest, cleanest QUICKEST mom maid I've ever seen. She'll defiantly be back again.


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